Starry Starry Night

Why did I call myself starrynite? I don't know. It originated from somewhere. I remember seeing it as a name of a bed mattress shop in Malaysia. Maybe it stuck from there? I like the sound of it. And after hearing Van Gogh had a painting of it or that Don McLean had a song about it, my feelings for it just grew, I guess. And now it's stuck. Something that no one else ever takes. 

It gives me hope that I am something more than I am so far. There is light in the darkness.

The Perfect Facebook Game Requirements

So I always have all these blog ideas running through my head and I never just sit down and write them. So here’s what I’m doing. Prepare for an onslaught of random entries that don’t link together and may or may not have anything to do with my life in general.
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I’m a Facebook game addict. There. I admitted it. I will join any game and play it until I get bored. Therefore, with the many games I’ve played, there’s a few things that I’ve realized will keep me hooked or just make me find it a chore to click on and continue the game.

1. Action: Games like MouseHunt, Mafia Wars or whatever are boring. Not only do they have other listed factors that I dislike, but click a “do this” button and then seeing a progress bar increase in a list of things is just no excitement to me. I need something where I can see people moving around, see little animations react to my mouse, etc.
2. Energy limits: I hate games that have energy limits. I choose a game because I want it to kill time. If you limit me to how long I can play a certain game, then I won’t enjoy playing it.
3. Time limits: Like energy limits; a time limit controls you. It will make you come back within a certain time frame just to make sure your “crop” or “potion” or whatever doesn’t spoil. I don’t want to rush home and go on Facebook in an hours time just to harvest my crop *cough Farmville cough* Because if I do happen to have a life, and I miss my time frame, then the thing isn’t going to magically unwither without a cost. Who wants to get punished for having a life?
4. Goals: Games that have goals are good. They make you want to keep going because the feeling of achieving something is good. However…
5. Goals that need friends: Goals which require you to send notifications to your friends or require you to post on your wall for your friends to click on is annoying. Not only is it embarrassing – I mean it’s sad enough to play Facebook games, but to have to admit them?! – but it is also annoying for most of your friends to see it on their newsfeed. Who knows, before long someone could delete you! I’ve bypassed this (sort of) by creating a friend list that plays these games, so when I do need to publish something on my wall, it will only be visible to them. Doesn’t stop it from being annoying and a chore though.
6. Adding neighbours: Gee game, thanks for pointing out the fact that I have NO FRIENDS. Because if I did have friends, I certainly wouldn’t be stuck at home playing games like this. Goals that make you add your friends as neighbours just to complete goals is also the same annoyance as the games that want you to post shit on your wall. What if none of your friends play that game? Then what?
7. Thinking too hard: IQ games hurt my head. As do hardcore strategy games. I like Tetris Battle and Bubble Island and what not, but those aren’t turn-by-turn strategy games, nor do they measure your intelligence like Brain Buddies. I mean, who is going to enjoy a game that makes them feel stupid?

So there’s my list. I know, I know, I’m picky about something that doesn’t really matter at all.
Anyone have a perfect game for me to try? So far only Bejeweled Blitz seems to have check all my boxes, but it can get a bit tedious.. So I dunno…

Other games I’m in the process of trying:

• Castleville
• House MD Game
• Triple Town
• Treasure Isle
• Hidden Chronicles – this is on the decline and won’t last very much longer…
• Happy Hospital

What is ‘Home’?

What is it that you want? Do you want independence? Do you want freedom? Then stop whining, stop asking for it and just stand on your own two feet. Stop looking for someone you can depend on and just learn to accept to be with yourself. For if you can’t stand being with your self, how can you expect someone else to want to be with you?

I think there is something wrong here. People are suppose to feel more at home when they are home. I’ve been back in Malaysia for about 5 months plus now and though I’m home, surrounded by parents and a cooked food and friends, I still feel empty. It’s like I’m a child again, constantly fighting for my parents’ approval and never getting it. I’m 21 already, I should not be trying still trying to get them to approve of who I am. I should not be constantly trying to strike up conversation, only to be shot down by being accused of asking a stupid question.

While I’m away from home my confidence builds; I feel myself slowly accepting who I am. But when I’m back here, it’s completely different. Nothing I do is right, everything I say is wrong, every way I’ve been living my life is a complete mistake. And then I’m back and square one again, this awkward child with no self confidence and no way knowing how to face other people because her own parents can’t even be proud of her.

So what is home when home is where it breaks you down and tears you apart?

Maybe I’m overreacting, it’s probably not as bad as it sounds. It’s just because I’ve been so spoilt and so use to getting what I want all my life that maybe I don’t know how to deal with disapproval. Maybe they’re right, maybe everything I’ve done my whole life is a complete mistake.

I’m leaving to London with my family soon, then after they leave I’ll be all alone again. I don’t know if I should cry or rejoice. What will I be without them?

And where does that put my future?

Mediocrity

I got another job application rejection.

Depressing.

You know what I’ve done wrong in my life? I’ve only managed to be average at everything. I’m not great at anything. Sure, I can do almost anything you can do. But that’s the thing. It’s ALMOST. There is always going to be someone better than me.

I’ve been mediocre at life.

Being mediocre means I don’t stand out. There is nothing special to attract you to want to hire me; to get to know me; to want to understand me.

I think I’m a drifter. I lack passion in anything.

I hope one day I will find something I can be passionate in. A passion that will help me excel and become something amazing.

Because it’s worrying. If I can’t even get any internship/placements to accept me, how am I going to find a real proper job?

Just Words

Do you notice how words have lost their original purpose?

I hate you.
I love you.
I’m sorry.

These are the three most commonly overused words I hear. Yet they don’t mean what they should mean. Kids get angry at their parents and they declare that they hate them. Next day everything is dandy and normal. You buy a new phone that is all sparkly and new and you tell everyone you love it. A new phone comes along and you toss and replace it. And the worst one is “I’m sorry.” The thing with this phrase is people just don’t mean it anymore. I know I’m being a hypocrite here. But nowadays “sorry” is just something you say to someone just so you can end the disagreement. “I don’t think I’m wrong but I can’t be bothered to keep this argument on” is really what “I’m sorry” means.

The more we use words, the less their true meanings are held. If this is really the development of our language, I don’t know if we can look to a hopeful future.

“Fuck you.” “Bitch.” “Stupid.” These are insulting and mean words. Yet friends can say it to one another as a casual joke; a fist bump. If cuss words lose their anger, what do they become?

Scarcity creates luxury, right?

If everyone in the world had diamonds, they wouldn’t be seen as a treasure. If everyone used the word “love” when it truly came down to it, would it really be any special than it really should be?

Life's Too Short

When we don't say what's on our mind, chances go by. We miss things that could have happened, things that might have worked out to your advantage.

I'm teaching myself to be more direct; be more straightforward and to stop worrying so much. Beating around the bush just tends to create misunderstandings, so if I want to know something, I will ask it. Direct. To the point. And bluntly. Don't hate me if I come off rude, I just rather you tell me now, hurt me now, than let it fester and fester.

Life's too short, right?

Who's this person you see before you? She's not the same person she was a year ago.

Greece coming up soon. I want to be excited. But honestly, I'm a bit scared.

.gif Fun

Photoscape enables people to make .gifs. But Facebook doesn’t let me upload them to show off my talent. Haha. So I shall post them here for fun :)

 

 

 

Hahaha. Can’t stop watching them… on and on and on.